Love

No words, all pain.

Tears fall like acid on my face.

Numbed now, no breath.

Can not find a friend in death.

Light floods in
Let darkness cease
Watch out world,
love is a beast,

Swallowed by agony.
My very being a black hole.
My old ways suctioned to my back.
I keep looking over my shoulder,
wanting to have done it differently.

The agony of it all tied to my feet.
I am dropped in the lake.
The agony drags me to the bottom.
I struggle.
The last few bubbles pop on the surface.
I am silenced forever.

Random Haiku(s) that I wrote a while back.

----------------------
One day, we shall teach
The broken ones going through
things we all once felt
----------------------
Burning in the soul
a light that will never fade
hope to be rescued
----------------------
A green healing touch
from the blooming Rose's stem
I lean in to smell
----------------------
Mom's identity
never will anyone know
beauty left untold
----------------------
Break free from the chains
don't be kept in their cages
Freedom come swiftly
----------------------
In definition,
I do what you ask of me
am labeled a slave
----------------------
Between many tasks
to cover up all the pain
behind many masks
----------------------
A blinding brick wall
the helpless cartoon slams in
we all laugh so hard
----------------------
Tainted by real life
no one really knows the truth
Good luck finding it
----------------------
Soaked-through  with the cold
running though my veins linger
a glimmer of hope
----------------------

Five Minute Friday: Awake

The hurt inside awakens.
I was so very naive,
to think it would be like this forever.

You were happy, so was I,
so were they.
Then, you threw at me the speeding Septa Bus,
which I was promptly and blindly hit by.

Now, I taste the salt
from the tears streaming down my face.
It both wets and dries out my mouth,
as I lay curled up and sobbing.

I am finally awake.
Awake to life's bitterness.
Awake to life's joke that
I was not allowed to always be that happy.

The hurt inside deepens.

Snow

I walk down the street.
I see my breath lingering.
My hands firmly in my pockets.

I froze as I witnessed the
start of white, soft flakes fall;
gliding towards the hard earth.

It was like a blanket falling from the sky to cover the ground.
The ground was no longer lonely,
and no longer had to wait for my steps to greet it.

Millions of fluffy, cold friends-- minus one,
for I could not help but to catch one on my tongue.
It melted into the warmness.

All is well.

Embrace

The patter of my tears

wet his shirt.

I sob,

my words incoherent. 

The hair,

gently tucked behind my ear.

His voice,

soothing and soft.

His embrace,

comforting and strong.

His love,

unyielding and constant.

He who
held me since birth,
my rock, my friend,
my Father.

Fleeting

Thousands of whispers in my ear
drowning my mind.
Which noise do I attach to?
Are any of them mine?

Panicking,
I gasp for air.
My arms are tired.
I can no longer tread this water.

My last breath fleeting as it joins where ever the rest of me has been hiding for so long.

Water

Drip drop thud.
Drip drop thud.
It runs down my face.
Drip drop run.
Drip drop run.
I open my eyes.
Where am I?
Drip drop blink.
Drip drop blink.
There is a light
in my face.
Drip drop run.
Drip drop run.
I try to move,
but I am forced down.
Drip drop snap.
Drip drop snap.
The leather straps
leave their marks.
Drip drop run.
Drip drop run.
I scream in panic
and flail my body around.
Drip drop run.
Drip drop run.
Whoever said that
water was fun?

Writing on the Wall

So many blank pages
So many blank stares
so much is unwritten
no happiness spared
laughter seems broken
I am always their token
and I don't think anyone cares

But that's just how my life goes!
I am always so confused
and always left alone.
I cry out into the darkness,
hoping someone will find me
and lead me back home.

So many people passing
So many people can not see
the little girl who is crying
so hard inside of me
little parts of me are dying
I'm not what I used to be
It's like I'm standing still and
the rest of the world is passin me!

But that's just how my life goes!
I am always so confused
and always left alone.
I cry out into the darkness,
hoping someone will find me
and lead me back home.

There's nothing written on my wall
at least nothing of my own
only things you want of me--
an isolated world
Laughter, it turns into pain
crying drives me more insane
your echoing lies are in my head
so many hurtful things you said

but i guess that's how my life goes
I am always so confused
and always left alone
I cry out into the darkness
Hoping someone will find me
but they won't stop leaving me alone

Everything But Company

Dust kicked up
and left behind
small dirt road
rarely traveled

trees shade us
with their shadows
sway in wind
breeze so gentle

sunshine, beautiful
golden rays shine
down upon us
warm and kind

Dust kicked up
and left behind
small dirt road
rarely traveled by

our tracks now made
our mark now printed
on this lonely road
beautifully ridden

Non-Existent

Suddenly my world has gone cold
My heart's some how been frozen over
Don't know what I feel anymore
Finding it hard to stay sober.

Crying so hard I can not see
as I find myself still loving you
You found it in yourself to leave
Because you did not love me too.

Don't believe in love anymore
Your non-existent feelings faded
Me still loving you is a contradiction
Love is way too over rated

When you left, my world went so cold
My heart's some how been frozen over
Don't know what I feel anymore
I feel too much pain when I am sober

Beware (They Just May Kill You)

lonliness
want
envy
lust
jealousy
hatred

love lost
happiness gone
worldly gain
gone insane
everyone blames
screams unheard

nothing to lose
I'm not amused
our way lost
no way found
a disapointing world
in itself drowns

They have it all
that's what you think
you want it too
want it so bad
try to get it
but you just can't

Just have to touch Her
to stroke back Her hair
and gently kiss Her face
to hold her close--heavenly
always thinking about Her
She thinks about Him too

She could never have him completely
Another in His bed--not Herself
Madness drives Her thoughts and actions
green eyes aglow, Her heart agonizing
Her tears sing Her to sleep
She views the other girl unworthy

Bittersweet, the only word which describes Him.
Pain seems to override the pleasure-- undoubtedly.
Crash--boom---crash, the pictures hitting walls.
She wants to shoot Him so badly,
but why let him go out easily?
He needs to suffer like She had!

Slipping Away

I'm drowning in my fears
Can't breath through all these tears
I can't hold on anymore
Screaming silently
start in wondering
What the hell is this for?

I am tryin to hold on
but feel myself letting go
Gripping with all my might
yet i can feel myself fall
I'm losing grip,
as I am slipping away,
and start losing myself
all over again

Your Laundry

I am your blanket
the person who warms you--
who cuddles you--
who comforts you

I am your tissue
the person you blow on--
you continuously throw away--
you continuously use

I am your door mat
The person you unload on--
you wipe your feet on--
you walk all over every day

But I am NOT your laundry
I am not the piece of clothing
you can put away until
you feel like using me again--

that is the last straw--
I will not be ignored--

A New Day Begun

sunshine smile upon my face
a new day awakens my breathe
a new dawn awaits my dreams
as my eyes opens to greet it

This Earth

The dew upon my brow as I wake
wipe it off with no mistake

Smell of campfire, heavily embrace
The night vanished without a trace

Laughter in the distance there
as the children gather near

'look over there' i softly say
The god in heaven sent angels today

as winged beauties fly over the sea
'they know much more than you and me

they have seen the world, so swiftly flown
we can learn from their majesty, their secrets unknown

now set your soul free and allow it to fly
so that we can learn from this earth, both you and I.